I haven’t been abroad since 2009 and that was a city break .. so no bearing all in a bikini. Infact it is extremely rare I get a chance to wear a bikini unless I go swimming and then my good friend ‘water’ hides all my sins. But in less than 5 days I will be gallivanting around the coast of Croatia, all faults bared, in an unforgiving bikini ensemble. Obviously I bought bikinis that are heavily padded, underwired and have a flattering cut. But no amount of sorcery is going to hide the after effects of my teenage sugar binges.
You see I used to be overweight, not obese, but I certainly wasn’t healthy. I was a sugar addict and thought nothing of polishing off two pieces of toast slathered in jam and butter each morning washed down with a pint of full fat coke. Stretch marks criss cross my upper thighs like war wounds, constant reminders that eating two chocolate bars a day for 3 years has its consequences. I decided to go head to head with sugar addiction … and seemingly I won (sort of, least that’s what the scales say). However, I still get the insane cravings. Last week I could be spotted going round Sainsburys picking up chocolate bars and trying to sniff through the packaging and fool myself that smelling it would be as good as eating it. I filled a large pick and mix cup with all my favourites and I was actually salivating until I decided to put it back down again. (By the way sorry Sainsburys staff, I guess you either had to throw that out or painstakingly put each sweet back in its correct box, oops). The cravings have only worsened over the past month because I am acutely aware I should be behaving myself in the lead up to my holiday. Therefore June has been a cream tea-less month *sob* and I’ve literally forgotten what fat tastes like. I’ve come up with the mantra “sweets taste good for 5 seconds, holiday photos last a lifetime”. I realise this is no better than Kate Moss and her mantra “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” and I do apologise to all those out there doing their best to encourage girls not to focus so much on weight (I certainly wish I wasn’t so obsessed with it) but I can’t help worrying…….and craving.
In particular I have been craving cream teas. When I return from Croatia I am heading to the nearest gluten friendly establishment and I am going to order TWO cream teas just for me and I am going to eat until I am crying with joy and pain. I might even wear my bikini as I eat them and just watch it split down the seams as clotted cream sweeps down my gullet in waves. Remember Primose Tearooms which I reviewed in December? Well they got in touch and they make a gluten free chocolate almond cake which I am very excited to try. So for the next two weeks I need to show restraint. Then when I return I will be back on the cake wagon my friends, it’s going to be messy.