An island based experiment in gluten free Cream Teas

Well, the diagnosis is not official. The doctors continue to ignore and frustrate so I have gone with self diagnosis and that is 100% I cannot have wheat and therefore can never have a “normal” cream tea again. This is definitely some sort of punishment for what I have done in another life. I was probably Pontius Pilate or something – that seems about fair.

So with my little coeliac head held high I have decided to continue upping my chlosterol even for compromised taste and eat gluten free Cream Teas from now. My boyfriend, in his usual quest to find me food so I won’t get hungry/moody, discovered a place on the Isle of Wight that does coeliac friendly cream teas and it was actually really good.

Just look at that picture. Obviously it wasn’t all for me – that would be obscene. But evidently the portions were amazing.

Appearance – 9/10 The crockery was very sweet and all matched in a strawberry pattern. The use of a fruit and one that is red (red increases the appetite) was a clever ploy to build up my hunger as we waited to be served. The scones came out in little lined baskets which were a nice touch, the only thing letting it down was the pre packaged butter.

Quantity – 10/10 Absolutely no complains on the quantity. I have become a bit of a lightweight recently and I’m not used to carb loading as much as I used to so this rating may not be scientifically correct but everyone around me seemed to struggle to finish theirs so it must have been a lot. The scones were as big as my face, delightful.

Taste – 7/10 Now this is obviously going to be unfair as mine was the wheat free alternative and therefore a blasphemous alternative to the god-like original scone recipe. It still actually tasted quite good and once smothered with lots of cream and jam then was even better. The thing that niggled me was the little parcels of butter put on my plate. I almost quietly took the waitress aside to explain her embarrassing faux pas. *my sweet dear, butter with a cream tea? We are not peasants* But I noticed everyone around me lashing butter all over the scones. I thought obviously they were doing this out of novelty and on that particular half of scone would forgoe on the clotted cream also but no! they lashed that on too. I reprimanded them but they carried on regardless…. Island Folk, least they didn’t burn me on a remote hill.

Price – 8/10 About right. For the quantity – great value.

Ambience – 7/10 The café wasn’t the most snuggly of places - although freezing outside so probably better if sun was streaming through the windows. But service was prompt and they said we could keep asking for more cream and jam so that bumps them up in the ratings for me.

How it made me feel - 6/10 Unfortunately afterwards I felt full but not neccessarily "good full". I think the gluten free texture of the scone made it quite powdery and this meant my mouth felt slightly gritty and I had to swill with tea. I also felt ridiculously full - but this was down to pure greed on my part so let's not make the cafe's rating suffer because of my vice. I didn't feel quite as content as I always do after taking on a mammoth scone and therefore it only gets a 6...

Overall score – 47/60